The Truth
Many people think that it is good to air your woes about your relationship with someone to feel better. Some believe that if they complain enough about their spouse, the listener will feel sorry for him/her. This leads to emotional cheating and you are only putting yourself down as you are one (and the two shall be one....in the marriage vows).
Please don't. Especially if you are doing so with a listener who is of the opposite sex, don't. You are cheating emotionally by sharing intimate issues that belong to you, your spouse, and God. Let's go back to the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.)
Are you kind, speaking ill of your spouse? Unless there is severe bullying or violence, there is no reason to tell anyone anything lacking in your spouse and even not the most intimate good things either. Especially not to your family.
When I was starting in marriage, I had this friend I spoke to about my spouse, he also had a rapport with my wife, and once we finished 'discussing my wife', he would call my wife and spewed out everything I have just told him with a disapproving tone of "how dare him?". You can guess most were not complimentary. When I got home, I would meet fire in my wife's eyes ready for a fight, and oh did we always end up fighting (not necessarily physical) but we became increasingly unhappy with each other. Until I learned the hard way, to shut my gub and speak to my wife about my concerns, and stopped any contact with this friend, I finally had peace.
The person you are relating all these issues has the issues he is dealing with, and he is not telling you what he is going through. Even when his/her advice comes, they are in his/her perspective. Remember no one advice fits all circumstances, every marriage relationship is different to the other.
A mentor of mine said once that when he gets home after a day of work, he respects what his wife has gone through all day, sorting out the kids and house, and still helping him with great advice for his own working life, that he gets a bowl of warm water and goes on his knees to sought her feet. Can you remember what Jesus told his disciples, for you to be the greatest among men, you must be the servant first?
Don't be afraid to show her you care if she is a stay-at-home Mum. Maybe swap places with her with a list of chores of what she does daily, and you will understand what she is going through. On the other hand, depending on the physical nature of your husband's work, try to give him some recovery time before you bombard him with all the things you want him to hear or know. I repeat, every marriage is different, and the dynamics must not be a rule.
In every situations, love is essential because just as the Israelites realised, a relationship with God by going through the motions of obeying the law or parts of the law will not endear you to the Lord, so, me giving you rules to follow will be unfruitful, if your dynamics in your marriage does not support it. Find out what works for you, speak to each other honestly and work it.
The best time to speak more than ever is before you tie the knot, but even after, the communication line must remain open. We all change as we grow older and our likes and dislikes change too.
Whatever you do, don't take your intimate issues outside, love one another enough, be honest with one another, and pray to God together. When you discover things you cannot change, learn to live with it or adapt a loving strategy that will not hurt your spouse. Real love is never self-centred.
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