I place before you a choice, Life or Death....choose life

I indeed have, in the previous blogs, said that marriage is between Man, woman and God only, but that doesn't mean that we should not be courteous to relatives, in-laws, Pastors, friends and others who have dealings with our spouse. Jesus says to all of us, Love your neighbour as yourself. Look at the example of Esau who's wives in one Bible translation says they made life miserable for Isaac and Rebekah, in another, "were a grief of mind unto Isaac and Rebekah". Is it any wonder that Rebekah favoured Jacob over his brother Esau in scheming to get the inheritance which was supposed to be Esau's.

Excellent positive communication helps to avoid disputes with the extended family. I had made mistakes in the past when I said something to my family, which was untrue, and it sounded like I was pointing my finger at my wife, which was not my intention. What have you said to your relatives without thinking about it, and they now hate your spouse. Be very conscious of telling only pleasant things to your family and friends, and try not to put your spouse down, not even in banter. It may be okay to do that to your siblings. Still, your spouse did not grow up in the same house with you to understand it as banter, That is why we need to make time for communication, speak to one another about everything and anything that has hurt in any circumstances, and without being defensive, learn to be understanding if there is need to apologise then do so. Don't forget every marriage is different, so when I say apologise, you have to do so in the dynamics of the understanding you guys have. Some people want to hear "I am sorry", others would prefer you the pet them, a kiss in the forehead, the three magic words "I love you" with "you know I never meant to hurt you", gifts, money, sometimes your kind of banter...it all depends on your relationship and the way you communicate.

It is worth repeating, don't copy what you see your neighbours or pastors or parents e.t.c., do into your household, it could results in conflict every time you try. Your relationship is unique, learn it and do what makes it work, listen to your spouse when you have conversations and pray for discernment to know when it is core beliefs or just conversations.

Ultimately, the question is, what will you choose, God allows us to pick between life or death, blessings and curses and recommends you choose life. We are not robots that are programmed to do things a certain way, so it's your decision on whether or not you make it work, decide to make it work, remember that real love is the one God has shown us; Agape (love of giving by choice, not expecting a return, like charity)